Fifty Delightful Questions
1. What is your best friend’s Mom’s name? Delores
2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I think any place is a weird place for a mole since they are weird to begin with. I’m just grateful I don’t have one on my face. You know, the big, hairy kind that makes people toss quarters at me encouraging me to go downtown to pay a rat to gnaw it off.
3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Eww. Teachers were OLD!!
4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Nah. I’m not much of an exhibitionist.
5. What body part do you wash first? Face
6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? No, the door handle is more funky than the toilet seat. WASH YOUR HANDS!
7. What’s the strangest talent you have? Probably making up new song lyrics on the fly. Ask me to sit down and make like Weird Al and it won’t happen.
8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? I’m fatty with an innie.
9. What’s your favorite flavored Pringles? Bleah. That’s not a flavor, by the way. I’m a messy, greasy Ruffles girl.
10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be? Only figuratively. the idea does not thrill me
11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? Never. My parents didn’t know where I was half the time. Plus, my older siblings caused enough interference with their own foolish behavior that it deflected off me. I looked like a prodigal child in comparison.
12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Yeah, I can parallel park, but only to show off.
13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? I haven’t had two dates in 3.5 years. Thanks for that bitter reminder. Douche.
14. How many times have you been cussed out? Not often, really. I’m intimidating and people usually back down from me.
15. Which shoe do you put on first? I never paid attention. For future surveys I will be more attentive.
17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? What’s a bar?
18. Girls– Is this supposed to be a question or am I completing a sentence? Girls have vaginas. Boys have penises. Next question.
19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? They were breathing and had penises. Oh, and most were ass clowns.
20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?I didn’t have a flippin’ date before I was 16. So, the answer is NO. An emphatic, sorry as hell NO!
21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? Negatory.
22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? It depends on the situation. Usually, I think about how much I hope I don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.
23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? No, but a dude played guitar and changed the lyric of “Sweet Melissa” to “Sweet Marissa.” He did not get laid.
24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? Eww. Probably the bath towel since I’m clean when I get out of the shower.
25. Have you ever found anything in your parents’ bedroom that was questionable? Yeah, the two of them sleeping together. Like, in the room at the same time sleeping.
26. What was your childhood nickname? Well, I had a few given to me by my stinkin’ cruel siblings: Sarah Heartburn; Snaggle Tooth to name two. My dad called me Rissie or Mugsy when I was wee little. Missy is the one that stuck over the years, though. However, don’t think you have permission to call me that if you didn’t know me prior to 8th grade.
27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? About 20 minutes ago.
28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? Ewww hell no.
29. What’s the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Hmmmm gargled with mouthwash and spit it into an empty coffee cup.
30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? I’m not that limber.
31. How do you eat your cookie? Orally.
32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? hahahahahaha dumb.
33. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. Shut. Up. You can put two and two together … no dates in 3.5 years.
36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? A few.
37. Have you ever sniffed an animal’s butt? Not intentionally,but my son’s cat likes to climb on me and give me the butt. Nothing like having a balloon knot staring you in the face.
38. How often do you clean out your ears? right after a shower or whenever I have a deep tickle… mmm eargasmic, ya know.
39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? it’s a scrunchy fold technique.
40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? Properly fitting granny panties never lead to a wedgie.
41. Do you have any strange phobias? Not really. Being stuck in a room with a person who can’t deal with the silence?? .
42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Q-Tip to moisturize with Neosporin. Dry winters. Keeps the sinus infections at bay.
43. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done at a bar? talked to an asshat in Savannah and dated for 3 months without realizing he was actively seeking ‘love’ on dating websites.… but I’m not bitter. Fucker.
44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No,I usually do stupid stuff all on my own.
45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex’s name? That would imply I have a loved one.
46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? Hey, everybody farts.
47. Have you ever played naked Twister? am I the only one who finds it funny that the Twister questions follows a fart question?
48. Have you ever been drunk at work? Hungover, but… OK, there were a couple of times that I didn’t stop drinking until 3AM and had to be at work by 9. I was probably technically tipsy.
49. Have you ever found your date’s/lover’s brother or sister more attractive? Nah.
50. Do you want to bring sexy back? Clearly this survey is really old. Bitch,please.
